some people believe things it is convenient for them to believe. or it is beneficial for them to believe in some way: they may feel more comfortable thinking/deciding that. or hey may feel less guilty. or they may feel better about themselves.
(and one of those is my father. i cannot endure how he thinks and what he talks. most of the time. he can even blame Jews in any problem in the world. this also makes me very sad and disconnected from him. i don’t know what do we have in common, and how can we be connected, especially when he talks.)
and this is exactly what prevents me to be very self confident in my opinions.
i especially, specifically question my beliefs when i understand that it is beneficial/convenient for me to believe in those.
some people adore c#. some people adore perl. i do not like these technologies. some self confident people believe the same ideas i do. it is rare, but still. usually self confident people believe the things it is safer to believe(and sometimes people believe in outsider ideas just to look outsiders).
but this presence of confident people who believe in same ideas does not make me more sure, more self confident. not a bit.
what i know for sure, is that i cannot be different from what am i. i cannot vote for the other candidate, than i have chosen. i cannot choose the other shirt. i cannot choose that programming language. i won’t feel good by doing all these. but well, i can try to be friends with this guy/girl, though it does not look like there is an outlook to be friends.
once, many years ago, i managed to cure a street dog. that street dog used to not have half of the hair, be very calm, hide in hide in hard to reach places. when it became better, it made friends with some nervous female dog. female dog was attacking people, and he started to accompany her in that. then someone killed the dog i have cured. i have no idea was that intervention i did right.
i sometimes do not intervene on purpose. very often at work. let it be like they do it. who said that my solution is better? who said that it suits them? i do not intervene in people’s taste: they want this phone, they are happy with that, then who am I to ‘open their eyes’? i believe very often, people who make propaganda of something, even if it’s free software propaganda, do it in order to prove themselves that they are right.
well, i don’t know if i am right, and i am got over it. i don’t know. i just do what i do.
is this too self centered that i write about myself? well, this is me. sorry for that.