My Dearest Darling Sweet Precious Guen,


     I know that your heart has been lonely and not at ease and I 
hope that little letter will help to bring cheerfulness once again 
to your heart and peace to your soul. My heart is with you Guen so 
do not dismay when little bits of trouble come your way. It is the 
way of life and is the substance of things that bring stability 
and peace through understanding. Guen,I know that at all times you 
do your best and that you truly strive to be the finest woman you 
can be for your loving man Donald. I am aware of this and it is 
one of the many things that I so dearly love about you. You are as 
gentle as the sweet breeze, gently caressing the fields of lilies. 
And you are as warm as beams of early morning sun light amidst the  
flowers of Eden. Guen you are a precious woman. And during this 
time we must not loose sight of the fact that peace and beauty in 
life are built upon inner strength; the gentle moving forward in 
the face of obstacles and seeming difficulties. Every trial has 
it's reward when we assume the responsibility of meeting it's 
challenge. So do not be discouraged Guen. There is a song in the 
wind Guen and that song is beating of our two hearts and our 
dreams of the blessed future. 

     Guen, at this time I would like to take a few moments to 
discuss with you the meaning of our time, in the little valley of 
uncertainty, that we entered after becoming involved with the 
questionnaire. As you are well aware we are many thousands of 
miles away from each other and our letters are our primary form of 
communication. We are not able to be with each other each day at 
this point. And when we were in Cebu together it was important to 
respect the customs of your family in that we should be 
accompanied by other family members during that brief period. 
And yet we both understand that we must, at some point, discuss 
the matters which are quite important for the long standing 
undertaking of marriage. We need to have the opportunity to 
discuss with each other, honestly and privately, about the dreams, 
values and ideals that we hold dear to our hearts and important to
us personally.

     I have the utmost respect for your mother and father. And how 
could I not? They have raised a fine family of mature and well 
mannered children. And the love and respect that they show towards 
one another is quite evident. And in you Guen, your parents may 
take great pride. They have given you nineteen good years of fine 
development. They have clearly guided you along the good and true 
path. And you have much to be thankful for for having them as your 
parents. The happiness of your future surely depends greatly upon 
the gifts which you have been given by your loving parents.  Now 
you are a beautiful, well mannered and mature young woman. You are 
now an adult woman Guen, who dreams of a future of loving marriage 
with a fine husband. And one day you also will be a loving mother 
giving guidance and support to the family that you and your 
husband bring into this world. It is this time Guen, when you are 
looking forward towards marriage, that it is the time to develop 
those skills of adulthood which you may not yet have yet 
experienced. In many things in the past you and your parents did 
many things together. And the warm bond that grew from that 
sharing will last a lifetime. Now it is time to muster the 
courage to assume custody of some important endeavors all on your 
own. In marriage you will share many responsibilities with your 
husband. You will be a prime decision maker and a firm participant 
in the direction and daily affairs of the home. You will be a 
guiding light to the children and a haven of rest for your 
husband. And these new ventures require, not only much love but, a 
great degree of developing inner strength; the strength to pursue 
and persevere when things are difficult. Much of the day Guen,  
your husband will be at work. And the responsibilities of the home 
and children will be in your care. There will be many situations 
which arise that you will learn to handle all on your own. And 
through your little daily setbacks and successes you will become  
the full and vibrant woman that is the cornerstone of a happy and 
loving home. It is time to begin now Guen; to look into the future 
and say to yourself "I can and I will because I must."

     The little questionnaire is a useful means of coming to 
understand whatever variations you and I may have on a variety of 
subjects which may be significant within the daily environment of 
married life. And it is you and I who will be at the focus of that 
married life. It will be you and I who will make the decisions, 
take the steps and reap the benefits or setbacks of our decisions. 
And in so doing love will grow ever stronger. I understand that 
the questions may have been new to you. Yet they are well thought 
out and structured in such a way so as to discuss some of the 
major issues which arise when people of different countries and 
cultures come together in the pursuit of marriage. And the 
questions are meant to be clear and easy to understand. 

 We are separated by a great distance Guen and we are 
close in our hearts. Yet we have to be practical in the sense that 
we cannot see each other eery day at the present time. We must use 
whatever means are practical to discuss those subjects which may 
be very important to our future intimate relation. And the answers 
to the questions are private things Guen. The questions are indeed
available for anyone to read whom you choose to show them to. Yet 
no one can really answer them for you Guen in any real sense. Even 
your most close friends and relations can not speak for you in all 
circumstances. It is not a matter of striving for perfection.It is 
a matter of taking the opportunity to trust in yourself and to 
trust in me. It is a time to trust in the inner gifts that your 
parents and God have given you.  And it is a time for your parents 
also trust in us. And in doing so, to trust that all will be fine. 
In answering the questions it is a time for your mother and father 
to allow you to have the private time, to be by yourself and do 
the best that you can. We do not have private time together during 
our separation Guen. So The questions should be looked upon, not 
as an obstacle , but as an opportunity to bring our minds together 
as indeed our hearts already are. I understand your concern about 
returning the questionnaire by the time mentioned by The Asian 
Experience. But what is most important is that you answer the 
questions on your own. That is the primary issue. If circumstances 
prevent the form's return by a particular date, that issue is of 
much less consequence. Again the primary point is that the answers 
reflect your own feelings on subjects.  So at the present, i 
still haver no idea how you in particular feel on a variety of 
important subjects. Again I will mention with all truthfullness 
that I have the highest respect for all the members of your family 
especially for your mother and father. And I respect their 
thoughts and opinions as parents of their own household. Yet when 
I am considering a woman as my future wife it is essential that i 
know how she  herself feels on important subjects. And is this not 
a reasonable thing? How can I make a commitment of marriage 
without knowing how my future wife feels about important subjects  
herself? 


 There comes a time though, 
in the natural course of becoming an adult, when a person learns to 
stand on their own as a mature adult. And that maturity is 
reflected in the ability to handle situations, while at the same 
time, reataining love for others and a wholesome, happy  attitude.  
And what parent would not be proud of a son or daughter who has 
reached maturity with inner strength and grace. A mature, loving and 
happy person is a great honour to the parents. So it is time now 
Guen to begin to think in terms of being a responsible wife. And 
it is time also for your parents to allow you to be the full, 
mature and loving person that they have raised you to be. It is 
time for your parents to allow you the room to stand on your 
own and trust that all will be in good hands. I am very much 
attracvcted to Guen and this is quite clear. And the values that 
you have been taught by your parents are only some the factors that 
attracts me to you. Yet I have to reconize that you are still an 
individual. And I need to know how you are as an individual. I need 
to know your thoughts, ambitions and intentions as you are on your 
own when there is no one around to guide you.  It is not the 
parents who will make the vows with me at the altar, it will be 
my spouse. And we need to have issues clear and open. We need to 
make clear and well thought out decisions based on facts and 
forethought. And this is the road to peace. I am sure that you 
parents would prefer to entrust you with a man who is wise an 
thoughtful; who is mature in thought and deed. And so to I myself 
seek a woman who is not only gentle and loving, but who is mature 
in thought and deed. Marriage is a real responsiblity. So let us 
approach it as such. I have had many years to develope through 
trial and error, those skills to be a full and responsible man. 
And I do not expect that a person much younger than I to have  
the same level of responsiblity.Yet there is an unmistakable 
character in a person, of any age, that reveals the ability to 
grow and be responsible. And it is that quality that I must see 
in my future wife no matter what her age. There is a time for the 
parents to step back and there is for you to step forward. And 
when the issuse is marraige that is that time. It is a matter of 
trust. And it is a matter of faith. Before I make my lifelong 
commitment to a woman, I must know how she feelsm, not ony on the 
subjects that were raised in the questionaaire, but also on 
whatever else may be importabt to us personally. I hope that I am 
being clear.






     What are the qaualities that I look for in a wife? I can tell 
you quite simply. The things that I look for in my future wife are 
those of gentleness, a happy spirit, inner strength and devotion.  
My future wife must learn to be responsible enough to handle 
situations while I am away at work. And I must know that she has 
the desire to do what is right when situations call. 


     Returning to the Philippines is a major expense of time and 
energy. It is not something that I do as a weekend fling. I need 
to feel comfortable that my efforts are indeed a worthy 
investment. I need to feel that Guen is the mature woman that I 
choose to have as my future wife. I respect the will and the 
thoughts of your parents Guen. Yet I need to know that you are 
yourself reliant enough to assume the responsiblities of being my 
wife and not just the child of your parents.

     I truly beleive that where there is a will there is a way. 
And that all situatuions have a solution when hearts are in the 
right direction. So let us proceed into the future with proper 
balance and strength of heart. Guen And I need tio have enough 
time on our own to make a proper and mature decision which will 
balance the strong feelings that we already have for each 
other. It is time for your parents Guen to begin to step back a 
little with trust and faith. And it is time for you also Guen, to 
begin to step forward as the capable and responsible woman that I 
know you are.  You can write your own letters and similarly you 
can speak and think on your own. I am asking that you contuinue to 
do so. And i have no doubt that as you prceed to assume more 
resonsiblities as a future wife you will in fact gain a even 
grerater respect for the efforts of your own parents as you begin 
to see, by action, the world, as they have seen it, in raising you 
to adulthood. 


     May the Lord richly bless your all now and forever,

                 
              Your sincere and steadfast friend of your family.


                               Donald W. Skaggs.